Bye 2019

I always write my new aspirations or wishes for the new year to come. I go back to what I did the whole year. To be honest I am never happy with the results. Neither I lost something or fail on my goals. I saw my year and felt a total failure. Every single year I tried something different to change the way I felt. Finding a why to celebrate was hard for me. I try different ways to spend the new years eve and see if it was that. Nothing worked: a huge party full of my friends, a family celebration,dinner with my boyfriend, working, or staying home alone. Nothing helped me to be happy during an end of the year. The feeling of wasting my life dwells on my mind. Today I sit on a chair looking at the pictures we have been taking. I look at myself and I look different. Somehow I look wiser and confident but also myself is still there. The mess of a person I am. I look full of dreams but you can also see the defeats that my eyes hold. This time I look back at my year and I can be proud of self. I may have not place a checkmark on all my past list. I am not on the place I wish to be but I am closer to it. I am not the person I wanted to be this year but I am better. This past year I discover new things about myself and learn a lot. I accept myself. I accept the way my life had turned out. I discover the difference between accepting and resignation. This year I have accept the person I am and be proud of it. I can breath and smile at myself. I happily do the countdown to welcome a New Year.

…3, 2, 1 Happy New Year Everyone!

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