Life takes some crazy swings. Just one year ago I was at a real low point. I had been staying with my ex and after 6 months she finally kicked me out. I was on the verge of being homeless. And in all that desperation a random stranger appears. She was in just as bad if not worse situation than me. Out of desperation, we were forced together. An alliance that would help us keep our head above water.
Still, I didn’t know if I would survive. She was borderline insane and I didn’t know if I would be able to handle it. And yet after some time that headache I called my roommate started to grow on me. Just another one of those swings life takes. Eventually, I decided to go for it and ask her out and she said yes.
It was one of the best decisions I ever made. She was just amazing. The more time we spent together the closer we grew together. For the first time in a relationship, I didn’t feel trapped. I didn’t have to be someone else. I was myself and I was free. It wasn’t like my previous relationships.
The world just seemed different. It was nice to have someone to share the world with and who could see what you see and you could see the world from a new perspective through their eyes. We would go on road trips exploring the world around us. We learned about the world through each other.
It was also great to have someone to push you to new heights. I think that it is safe to say that after meeting each other we both took huge steps to achieve our dreams. I finally left my dead-end job and got a real writing job for a magazine and I had more time to work on my projects. She finally was able to go down to one job and focus on her stuff as well.
So everything is great. So what’s this all about? Is this the point where I tell you how I proposed in the most epic way possible and my palms were super sweaty and my heart was beating and how that moment after I got down on one knee and asked the question felt like an eternity as I waited for an answer? Nope. This story doesn’t end with a happily ever after.
Then this must be the point where things get rough. Perhaps as we started getting ourselves together we became absorbed in our work. And little by little we started spending time apart. Next thing you know it just didn’t work and we split up.
Or maybe one of us got busy. The other feeling alone, ignored and vulnerable finds comfort with someone else after having one too many drinks. While the other grew closer to someone else that they spend to much time with and finds another emotional support. Then just by accident one person saw a suspicious text message on the other’s phone. And although there was trust just this one time that person decides to see what else is on the phone. And then that person goes down a dark rabbit hole that leads to a dark secret they would rather not find.
If you want a story then instead of text message there is this one confrontation where one of us after working late for weeks decides to come home early only to find a surprise guest at home and then there is an argument and yelling and crying where we ask where we all went wrong. Or if you want some more drama perhaps there was a gun.
Well, it was none of that. All those explanations would make sense. Any of those explanations would provide answers and sometimes in life there just isn’t any answers or good explanations.
I have replayed it in my head over and over just to see if I missed anything. Or rather to see what I missed because I definitely missed something.
Everything was great. There was no odd change in behavior. Nothing suspicious. Heck, the night before we had gone sledding in the middle of a snowstorm. We were like kids on a snow day. Afterwards, we had warmed up with some delicious hot cocoa and spent the night just talking as we often did before going to bed.
The next morning I woke up early as always. To my surprise, she was already out of bed which was a bit surprising since she absolutely had to get her beauty sleep and wouldn’t wake up early unless it was a major emergency. Heck, once she wouldn’t even wake up as the fire alarm blasted at 4 in the morning.
As I got out of bed I called her name and there was no response. As I made my way to the kitchen I saw an old napkin with just one word written on it. “Sorry,” it said in elegant handwriting. On the other side of the napkin was that note with the question I had asked her months ago. I tried calling but the number was already disconnected and she had disappeared on social media.
So just like that, she was gone. She disappeared into thin air. One moment here and now she was gone. It makes no sense. It seems almost so unbelievable. How is it that in the one year we knew each other it was possible for so much to happen. How in such a short time so much could change.
It’s been a month since she left and there are no signs of her. I was hoping that the wind would blow her back here again like it did the first time but no luck. This apartment is not the same anymore. Despite all the memories from this place, it’s just time to move on.
So as you can see there are no clear explanations. No answers to the questions. No way. Only she knows those answers.
Am I sad? Of course. I would be lying if I said no. Do I have any regrets about signing a lease with a complete stranger? Not at all. That was one of the best years of my life and I don’t regret one moment of any of it. I just hope that wherever the wind took her she is able to find what she is looking for. As for me well, let’s just see what the future holds.